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End Game

Wrecks is headed down down down hill. he's weak from the caner/treatment/steroids/lymph node incursion/stomach ulcer, doesn't want to eat, having trouble breathing, needs help getting inside the house(up 3 stairs), and just plain tired.


still has a smile for most things. god damn fucking happiest dog ever. hurts to eat, can't breathe for shit cause the nodes are so big, and still happy, if really really tired.

i'm at work. i hate it. i want to be there. i should be there. for him, for n. i WILL be there at the end. i'm scheduled to be home late wed night. he might not make it that long.

gave him a HUGE load of dexamethasone, 1mg/2 lbs. ended up about twice the normal dose for a horse. hopefully that will help. doc harris(dallas oncologist) says if he responds, he can expect about 4 days of help from it.

i think if i were home, it'd be over very soon. not a big fan of keeping him going for my schedule. but mom says he's still got happy. i think they are trying to reasure me. so that i don't feel guilty or any of that. but i don't know. maybe he's still got some zest. maybe he's all 'this blows, but at least it still blows', or maybe that's me.

i was i were there to do what ever he wants/needs of me.

but i'm not. i'm here.

FUCK YOU, CANCER.