well i didn't expect that.

HI!
My name is Tyler, and I have a beard.

i've had my beard for a long long time. i started growing it in 95. i didn't choose to have a beard. na, it chose me. THOUSANDS of ingrown hairs on my neck told me to do it. them and the dermatologist.



i've often been heard saying that i think i look better w/o a beard, but my face dictates it, so fuck it, i have a beard. at first i wasn't the biggest fan, but i grew on me(come on, it had to be said!). it really became a part of who i am. i'm the jolly fat guy with the beard. santa in training. my slightly(at work) to very(at home) out of control facial hair let's ya know right away "this guy is gonna be...". i've always enjoyed getting myself pigeon holed and then blowing those presumptions out of the water.

so my good friend, nate, hears about this line of products that's supposed to prevent ingrown hairs from shaving. he asks if i'd shave if i didn't have ingrown hairs. not the first time he's asked. sure...why not. i'm cute. my standard answer.

well fast forward to two days ago when a beat up ups truck drops this at my door. never has my bluff been called so completely.

it freaked my shit out! gave me the willies, to be sure. WOW! could it work? would i really do it? who sent this to me? do i really want to not have a beard anymore? can i pull off being "tyler" without having a beard to instantly set me apart from you? am i me w/o my facial hair?


so i go check the stuff out online. mostly i find hype, with very little user reviews. the few reviews i do see are positive, but none from someone with a severe problem. so it MIGHT worJESUS HAROLD CHRIST! this shit cost seventy five bucks!?!? damn nate!k.

of course all the instructions say to do it continuously for 4-6 weeks. if this was something i bought for myself, safe bet would be that i'd start it and about 4 days into it skip a couple days, then pick it up for 3 more, then stop...and keep meaning to get back to it. you know how it goes. but with nate dropping $75 on it, i kinda feel a responsabilty to do it right.

ACK!! what the fuck, nate! you got me feeling all "scared of changey" and a "sence of responsabilty". asshole.

this would probly be a good time to 'return to sender' and thank nathan for this kindness.
mais non. that ain't how it works around here.
freaked out by change and responsability = DO IT!@!@!~

so tonight i went to the bathroom
and took the beard guard off my trimmer..
turns out using the beard trimmer without the guard is A LOT faster! took about 47 sec to get to this state of bearlessness.
then i started following the directions(yeah, i read them all before hand, go figure), jumped in the shower, and got good and clean!
they say you're suppose to shave with the grain on the first go, lather up again and shave against the grain. but my grain grows all directions in the same spot.

which way isnt against the grain?

applied the "pre-shaving oil", the nose was that of distant leather, by massaging it onto my patted dry face(see oil in pic above). grab the badger(BADGER!) hair brush wet it with hot water. a generous portion of their special shaving creme, a note of old gym shoe, and i was lathering away!
and away i went. i tend to just jump right into these type things. it was no different today, so all i had were el-cheapo bic sensitive-skin single-blade disposable razors. rinsing often with warm-to-hot water, i went through three. and only cut myself twice!

yep. that one on the cheek/jaw bone was a bleeder.

a clean up rinse with cold water. got plenty on me and more on the floor. pat my face down again and gently applied the "after shave balm", scent of grandpa. it has a tingly and slightly burny feel. and it is done.

me. shaved. who knew.

looks like i shaved 10 years off my babyface!

cause i like pics today...here's the aftermessness...


so i'm cute again. we'll see how it goes. definitely doesn't feel good. tight and burny, but only just. the line where my beard stops is just under the line where my neck does alot of its bending. ingrowns happen the ealiest there. and it's the most feely scrachy there. so we'll see.
all in all, i'm pretty pleased. i'll get a better razor tomorrow. the test will come a week or three down the road. we'll see how the ole face holds up. i don't think it's gonna work, but i'll give it a college try.




p.s. no i don't have a beard to help cover my big ass second chin